1. Change your story.
We all tell ourselves stories about who we are, what we’re capable of, and what we deserve. If we can identify our self-limiting stories (I’m not good enough; I don’t deserve to be happy, life is just meant to be hard, nobody gets everything they want, if they knew the real me etc.). The more we massage and retell these stories that involve us as the lead victim, bully, abuser, the more we begin to accept these stories as empirical truth. When we can catch the stories that hurt and limit us, then we can begin re-writing new stories that are grounded in confidence and courage, and map out actions that move us from a place of victim of circumstance to engaged leader of our lives.
2. Own your uniqueness.
We are here for a reason. No one else has your unique blend of talents, wisdom, strengths, skills, humor and creativity. Yes, there are other artists, coaches, writers, doctors, dancers, and flame-throwers in the world. None of them are you though. None of them offers your unique blend of gifts wrapped in your unique package. When you get caught in the “it’s all been done before” tape, catch yourself. The truth is, yes, many people have similar skills, gifts, and strengths. The lie is that you shouldn’t go for what you want because of that. Why do we lie to ourselves? It’s just simply, old, worn out, old-fashion fear. We all have something great to offer, and learning to accept and own what makes you unique is crucial to sharing your gifts with the world.
3. Cultivate Self-Compassion.
Taking a balanced approach to negative feelings, so that you aren’t suppressing feeling feelings or exaggerating them. We can’t ignore our pain or anger, but we can have compassion for ourselves and what we are experiencing. Being kind and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer is the key to allowing the people around us to feel free to be authentic and connected. When our children, employees and coworkers see us being self-compassionate, they learn that we are a safe person to be real and imperfect with.
Ideas flow more freely when we write without an agenda. New inspiration may appear unexpectedly and it becomes easier to connect the dots. Spend a few minutes of quality time each day with a pen and paper allowing yourself to process your thoughts without influence from the outside world. My clients who carry a journal are positively shocked at the ideas, inspiration and clarity that come during workouts, waking up 20 minutes earlier or even scribbling some notes while playing with their kids. It’s doesn’t have to be award-winning poetry. Just a few key words to remind yourself of an idea can provide enough motivation to follow through.
Too often we get wrapped up in the expectations we set for ourselves. We focus on the details and the to-do lists instead of what is most important. What do you love to do? What makes you smile? If money were limitless, what would you be doing today? 98% of my clients have forgotten to play. It seems counter-intuitive that to move from good to great, you must do some fooling around. The opposite of play is not work…it’s depression. I see more and more CEO’s, physicians, attorneys and parents who are depressed. Do they need medication? A diagnosis? Sometimes. But more often than not, they have forgotten how to play. Busy, productive and exhausted is getting in our way.
6. USE THE f-WORD.
It’s so seductive to tell ourselves that’s we’ll go after what we want when we have more experience, more money, or more time, but the truth is, that will never happen. We must identify these tape-recordings for what they are: excuses. It’s only when we get clear on our fears and recognize how it is holding us back, we can begin moving forward. Acknowledge that anything we deeply want, anything that involves deep fulfillment is also going include fear. Use the feeling of fear as a guidepost that you are close to something important, and work through the fear, don’t let it work you.